Waiting Game

Tomorrow is the big day...the day when we find out whether or not this round of medication actually helped. I imagine it is almost as bad as the 2 week wait after an IUI or IVF, but I wouldn't know. I just can't wait to find out whether or not my follies are growing...excited about the idea that they are, terrified that they are not.

I told myself I wouldn't blog about it until I knew what the outcome was, so I could either comment on my devastation, or note my excitement. I just couldn't wait. I have so much running through my mind in anticipation of tomorrow. I have been praying a lot more and asking for good test results.

This time, it feels different...not physically, but emotionally, I guess. I have learned not to trust my physical feelings, as my body likes to trick me. I do have occasional cramps in "the region" which make me wonder if it is just my ovaries doing their job for once. But, I have been deceived before, so I try to ignore it until I know for sure. Emotionally, I'm a mess. My hormones seem to be better in balance because I'm not a basket case right now, but I'm at the edge where I could go either way depending on what the circumstances are. This feels different too, because I really wanted this before, but with this cycle, I feel like we are making a more desperate attempt than ever before. I see it in my husband's eyes and I have even noticed in his behavior that he wants to make sure we do everything right this time.

So tomorrow, we find out our fate. Will we have to continue to endure the pain of knowing that I'm still broken, that my ovaries refuse to work properly, or will we be overjoyed at the possibility that this might be it...our first ACTUAL chance of getting pregnant???