Another negative

Well, AF hasn't come yet, so I decided to go ahead and take a test. Big surprise...negative. I wasn't expecting anything else really because I didn't "feel" pregnant and the last ultrasound hadn't been promising. Still, I was wishing for a Christmas miracle. At least I'll be able to sip some bubbly on New Year's Eve if I want.

My DH has been talking a lot more with me about all this infertility stuff. It's like he has really come out of his shell in the past few weeks about it. On the one hand, it sucks that we are going through this, but on the other, it is nice to know that we're in it together and going through the same emotions. For a while, I thought I was the one carrying the bulk of the emotional burden, but he has admitted that it has affected him as well. No blame is being thrown, but we are together in our hoping and wishing and we are talking about it more openly now. In fact, I even got him the book, "How To Make Love to a Plastic Cup," which is a book for men about infertility. My DH isn't much of a reader, so I hesitated to get it for him, but he actually said he was looking forward to reading it. I hope it helps him better understand all the jargon that gets thrown out when I talk to my nurse. I have done tons of research to stay informed about everything, but he doesn't really know what is going on, so he just shows up to the appointments and follows along with what is said, then asks questions when we get to the car.

January 1 brings a new year and new hope to us. We are using my FSA this year to pay for at least some of our fertility expenses and hoping that we don't run out before we get pregnant.  We also have a few other goals for 2011 including getting my DH another vehicle before his truck dies, paying off some bills (what else is new?), and losing weight (again).

No IUI this time, but hoping for change in the New Year

I realize I haven't updated in a while, so I thought I'd go ahead and get it over with while I'm thinking about it.  At Thanksgiving, I started my first combination round of treatment. That meant that in addition to the Clomid, Estrace, and Metformin I've been taking, I also did Gonal F injections. Ultrasound day came and I didn't get my hopes up at all. As usual, it was easy to see that the meds still aren't working. My ovaries are still not working.

My nurse was super-nice this time and started telling me about all these success stories of former patients who had been struggling like me to get pregnant and just out of the blue, were calling to report they were pregnant. It lifted my spirits a bit and she told me that next round, we'll try Menopur instead to see if I will react to that. I have been asking around and it sounds like it works for a lot of people, so hopefully it will do the trick for me. I am supposed to test after Christmas just to see if I will fall into that group of random success stories, but I don't feel any different at the moment, so I'm sure I'm not pregnant. The day I get a positive pregnancy test, I'll probably fall on the floor in disbelief.

AF has been pretty regular for me since we jump-started it back in September. Hopefully, it will be more of the same this time. I'm really thinking that we'll probably take this next cycle off because I want to focus on the holidays, rather than worry about the cost of ultrasounds and medications. When the new year starts, my flex money starts over and we'll be able to save more money to pay for all this.

One more time

Okay, we had decided to take a break from TTC over the holidays so we could regroup and rebuild our savings after having spent a ton of money on our fertility efforts this year. However, when I got a surprise visit from AF just before we went out of town and we happened to have a little extra money, we decided to go for our first combination cycle. Although I certainly hope it works, I have not gotten my hopes up this time. It would be really nice to have a BFP at Christmas, but I realize that it is very likely more of a practice run.

Thanksgiving was a bit more difficult than I anticipated. It was the first time I had seen my sister since she got pregnant and she is currently 21 weeks along and hating it most of the time. She says she is't ungrateful, but just uncomfortable. I don't care how uncomfortable I am, I'll love every minute of being pregnant because it has been such a journey and I have been working so hard for so long to experience it for myself.

Friday, we'll find out our fate and the success or failure of this round of medication. In the meantime, I'll be sending Christmas cards to ladies in my support group who are going through the same struggles I have been going through.

Taking a break

I discovered on Tuesday night that I had started bleeding, so when it continued on Wednesday, I called the doctor's office to ask what they thought I should do. By Wednesday afternoon, the bleeding had completedly stopped, but they insisted that we were going to treat this like a new cycle. I wasn't ready for this, so I began to panic and ultimately insisted that we do one more round of Clomid before switching to a combination cycle with daily injections.

I'm still under a lot of stress from this, but am finally starting to calm down a little. It has helped that my husband and I agree that it might be good to take a short break after this cycle to regroup. Plus, it will allow us to build up our savings again so that we can afford the medical bills we'll be racking up with the injections and office visits. The more I think about this, the better I feel. It is just a lot of stress to deal with for me and with the holidays approaching, I don't want to have to think about it as much.

I'm confident that this round of Clomid won't work, but I'm doing it anyway "just in case." I am starting to feel better and better about the decision to take a break and I'm focusing on taking care of the rest of me. I'm working on some projects and relaxing more. This is my favorite time of year and I want to enjoy it, so I am.

Tired of malfunctioning

Originally, I had an ultrasound scheduled for Sunday morning. The office called late last week though and requested that I come in on Saturday morning instead. The purpose of this ultrasound was to look at my uterus and my ovaries to make sure that it all looked good and to determine when we would schedule our IUI. I had been looking foward to this appointment for days and had been counting down, trying to calculate the date of our IUI and subsequent due date if we were successful in getting pregnant this cycle.

The day of the ultrasound finally arrived and we met the nurse who was going to do the ultrasound. She was very nice and laid-back and we had the whole office to ourselves since it wasn't a normal work day. I was feeling really good about it and was anxious to see the results of our efforts with the medications I had been taking over the past few weeks. My husband had never seen an ultrasound before, so this was all new to him. The nurse was very good about explaining everything on the monitor, though I think it will be a few more ultrasounds before he really understands what he is seeing.

We started with my uterus. Everything looked really good. No fibroids (which I knew) and my lining had a good measurement. Then, she moved on to my left ovary. It looked like a typical polycystic ovary and after looking around, she found that the biggest follicle on that ovary was only half the size it needed to be at this stage of the game, measuring at 8mm. That was a disappointment, but we still had one more ovary to look at. However, as she moved over to the right ovary, it was clear that things weren't any better on the other side. She found another 8mm follicle on the right side with nothing else promising.

The rest was a bit of a blur to me. She calmly told us that we wouldn't be scheduling an IUI this time, but that we also wouldn't waste the cycle. My husband and I are trying on our own this month and if by day 35, I haven't had a period, I'll take a pregnancy test. If it is negative, we'll go to the next step in this whole infertility process. The next step is adding injections to the mix. We had already planned an HCG injection to trigger ovulation, but it looks like my pituitary gland is not doing its job, so before we trigger ovulation, we need to have FSH injections to trigger my follicles to develop at the correct rate, so that they are big enough when it is ovulation time. The plan is still to have an IUI because I want to make sure the odds are in our favor that we'll have a positive pregnancy as soon as possible and an IUI would guarantee that some good swimmers will at least make it to where they need to be to get things started.

My emotions have been up and down. I'm really trying to stay positive about all of this. I'm frustrated with myself that we didn't just go ahead and start with the injections, but I wanted to be a little less aggressive the first month "just to see" if we could pull it off. I am equally irritated that my body is malfunctioning and that I am not one of those women who can just say I want to get pregnant and it will happen. No, it will not happen if I just stop thinking about it, or if I just stop trying. I'm so tired of hearing that! Believe it or not, some people really have to work at it for it to happen. 

So far, so good!

Yesterday I took my final dose of Clomid. That means that in less than a week, we might actually be able to successfully set the scene in my uterus that we need to make a baby! My RE has me on an estrogen supplement until CD12 which happens to be this coming Sunday. I have become a big fan of estrogen because this is probably the 3rd or 4th time in my reproductive life when I actually feel like I have had a "normal" cycle. Estrogen is awesome!

My brain is sort of being crazy right now. Last week, when I was experiencing one of the worst periods ever, my brain tried to tell me that it wasn't worth all this to have kids. What?! My brain also said I was stupid to want to get pregnant and put up with 9 months of problems, then 18 years of raising the end result of my strife. Again...what?! I am back to my old self now, excited about the possibility of being pregnant soon and of all the future holds for our family. However, just as I let my guard down, my silly brain started to make me think, "what if our efforts are fruitless?" I am terrified that this will not work and that we'll have to sink thousands of dollars into treatments for infertility that won't be successful. I even started to research a little and when things were looking bleak, I grounded myself from doing any further research because it caused needless worry.

Our u/s is scheduled for this coming Sunday (CD12) and we will get to see for ourselves just how my ovaries are doing with getting an egg or two ready for shipping. I keep telling people that I am nervous and excited about this all at the same time. This will be the first time that my husband has gotten to see my insides on a u/s. All my previous diagnostic ones were done without him present for the appointment. I am so hoping that for once, my ovaries look good and are doing their job, rather than wreaking havoc for my reporductive system. If things look good, my husband gets to give me a shot of HCG to get the eggs shipped out, then we should have an IUI next week, so we can put my husband's olympic swimmers a little closer to the action (just in case my CM is more of a fighter than a lover). Then, we'll wait. I'll stay as relaxed as I can, while trying to channel my energy into making a swimmer connect with an egg and hopefully decide to stick around for 9 months in a luxurious hotel called my uterus. I am making it as luxurious as possible with progesterone supplements, so hopefully it will be appealing enough for an extended stay.

On a side note, I have decided not to continue with acupuncture treatments. My last one was a week and a half ago and I have one scheduled for this Friday, which I think I will cancel. I just feel that it isn't as beneficial for me as I originally hoped and rather than looking forward to my treatments, I am now dreading them. I'm not sure that is healthy, so we'll see how it goes without acupuncture for now.

Houston, we have a plan!

I called and scheduled an appointment with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) that I had found several months ago when researching fertility specialists. I was a nervous wreck when I called, but the woman I talked to was so friendly and helpful. I was scheduled to have an appointment the following week and I immediately felt a sense of relief and renewed hope that we might actually get a successful pregnancy soon.

My husband and I met with the RE this past Friday and we really like him. He explained all our options, talked about cost, and asked us how aggressive we wanted to be. Finally! Somebody wanted to listen to ME about what I wanted to do!!!

I am currently on day 3 of Provera to induce a period, since mine has been MIA for 3 months. I have used Provera before and I expect it to work this time, just like it did before. We'll then take Clomid on days 3-7 (my previous OBGYN had me take it on days 5-9 and I think I like the 3-7 idea better). I will continue Metformin (though, at a much lower dosage than I was on), and will also start taking Estrace (estrogen) when I start Clomid. I will go in for a scan on day 12 to check my ovaries and if all looks good, I will take an HCG shot to release my eggs and we'll likely do an IUI to boost our chances of fertilization. I will then take progesterone supplements to help promote implantation. We'll then wait to see if I get a positive pregnancy test after that.

I like this plan.

Time to make the call

Well, the news from my insurance company is that my OBGYN is no longer an in-network provider for my insurance policy. However, it is listed that way on their website, so I'm going to file an appeal for them to pay for my recent visit which included an ultrasound and will be a hefty bill if I end up having to pay for it.

With this new development, I have decided to quit playing around and make the call to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). I had been putting it off because I felt like I would be waving the white flag of defeat in admitting that we can't get pregnant without help from a specialist. However, a specialist seems to be exactly what we need, I guess. I have narrowed my search down to two possible doctors, but I think I'm going to go with the one I found first. I'm anxious to get in as soon as possible, but nervous about what they are going to decide is the best plan of action. At least we will be taking more action, rather than continuing to use the "wait and see" method my OBGYN is so fond of.

Pins and Needles

I have had my first 2 acupuncture treatments and so far, I can't tell a difference in how I feel. My acupuncturist assured me that this is common, but I really wanted to feel different, so I would have a sense that it was actually working. She is confident however that we will get pregnant with no problem since we're combining acupuncture, Metformin and Clomid. We can't afford not to at this point. If we weren't paying a small fortune on medical bills every month for the tests and appointments, we might acutally have some money in our bank account.

At this point, I'm just holding my breath, hoping for a positive pregnancy test in the next few weeks.

Here is the plan

My sister is 7 weeks pregnant. We have seen her first ultrasound pictures and there is no doubt that she has a healthy little bean growing inside of her. She's due April 9th.

I saw my OBGYN last week and told her I want to get serious about trying and I wanted her help. She agreed and totally sympathized with me about not wanting to resort to seeing an RE just yet. She definitely doesn't know nearly as much as I do about PCOS, but I feel like as long as I know what I need, I will know when she can no longer help me. Our plan is to start Clomid. She thinks we should try 3 rounds and if I don't get pregnant in that time, we can do 3 more rounds with HCG trigger shots. Then, she said we should probably have an IUI done. I hate that thought, but I'll do anything to get pregnant at this point.

My husband had a semen analysis done a couple of months ago to check his levels and his doctor said it was normal. My OBGYN got a copy of the results and said that his levels are actually low-normal, which is the same result he had the last time we were trying. Slightly disappointing, but we can deal with it.

I'm seeing my acupuncturist on Friday and I'm hoping she can help my body get back to where it should be. I'm really excited and hopeful that it helps!

My sister is pregnant!

My sister is a year younger than me. We were really close until high school, then we weren't as close anymore. In the past couple of years, we have been getting close again, despite the fact that she lives 10 hours away. She and I have been very supportive of each other and talk weekly about everything that is going on in our lives. I love my sister!

My husband and I started trying again to get pregnant in January. My sister and her husband also started trying at about the same time. As I said before, I have immersed myself in research about alternative treatments and have read all the pregnancy books I could get my hands on to make sure I was fully informed. My sister only has one ovary because she had the other one removed in high school when it was overtaken by a large cyst. She quit taking her birth control and went on a diet to get as healthy as she could before seeing a specialist about her fertility options.

This past week, during my weekly phone call with her, she mentioned that she has been feeling sick and thought she might have the flu. I suggested that she test just to make sure she isn't pregnant. She was convinced she wasn't, but tested anyway the next morning. I got a message with a picture of a very positive pregnancy test and her utter disbelief that it was indeed positive. She retested several times with the same result and it was officially confirmed the following day at her doctor's office. My sister is 6 weeks pregnant.

Well, where does this leave me? Needless to say, I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately. I'm so excited to be an aunt (technically, I already am...my brother-in-law has 4 kids)! However, I now feel that because I haven't been able to spontaneously reproduce like my sister amazingly did, there is definitely a problem with me. I have decided to throw nature out the window and get serious about getting pregnant.

I now have a new, more aggressive plan of action. I have scheduled an appointment with my GYN to discuss my fertility options. She has been my doctor forever and was helping us when we tried before, but quit practicing for a few months and we also quit trying. The last time I saw her, she suggested we see a reproductive endocrinologist, but I am not ready for that just yet. I feel like I know so much about this that she and I can work together well to make this happen. If she is unwilling to work with me, then I'll make a call to an RE. If by December, I'm not pregnant, I'll make the call.

In my research, I have also discovered the hidden benefits of acupuncture. My chiropractor happens to be a licensed acupuncturist and has a great reputation for the work she does. My next chiropractic appointment is this Friday and I plan to talk with her about starting acupuncture treatments to not only help with my anxiety and stress, but hopefully to get my hormones in balance, so I can become a Fertile Myrtile!

To Start Things Off

My husband and I have been married for nearly five years. When we got married, we dreamed of someday starting a family of our own. We thought that the time had come about two years into our marriage, so we went to the doctor to get the ball rolling. It was then that I was officially diagnosed with PCOS, but assured that we could still get pregnant with only a little extra effort.

Six months later, I had still not conceived and was getting frustrated and tired after two failed rounds of Clomid. We decided the timing just wasn't right, so we put our family dreams on hold and took some time off.

Two more years went by and we started to get serious again about having a baby. We decided to try the natural route with herbs and supplements. Although we both definitely noticed a difference in the way we felt, we still were not getting the results we were wanting (pregnancy). So, back to the doctor I went to get started on Metformin.

We have been trying now for the past eight months to get pregnant. I have immersed myself in research, support groups, anything I can find that might help me to finally be able to show my husband what a positive pregnancy test looks like up close.