This is it...double or nothing

What a roller coaster we've been on for the past couple of weeks! After discovering that I ovulated on day 20 of my last cycle, we were waiting to see whether things would progress. Our hope that it would be "the cycle" was squashed when AF arrived on day 29. So, I cried a lot (I'm sure this was mostly hormonal) and I called my RE's office to let them know that I needed to schedule another appointment, so we could start again. I hate making those calls.

But, the plan this cycle is to double my injections and we're hopeful that this will give us the boost we need to make things happen. I don't care if we end up with multiples, I just want to get pregnant! This is our last cycle. The meds for this cycle totaled just over $700 and had we not already gotten some of the meds we will hopefully use later this cycle, the total for just meds this cycle would have been $1000. We'll be spending between $500 and $800 on RE appointments this month (I'm hoping for $800 because that will mean the meds worked). It is February and we've already used up the rest of our Flex money for the year. Our savings has been depleted as well. We're out of money for IF treatment.

So, this is the cycle that HAS to work. If not, the plan is to take a break from the RE for a while, to rebuild our savings. We also plan to focus on getting some other things taken care of (bills and some weekends away) in the next few months as a way of "regroupng." We will probably restart some herbal treatments, so we aren't "wasting" any cycles. But, I'm hoping that none of this even needs to be considered because I want this to be "the cycle."

New Hope

It is funny that the things that run through my head during any given cycle seem to pop up as discussions when I visit my online support group. I may have never noticed it before, but suddenly when I think all hope is lost and I'm fighting a losing battle, someone mentions an idea that renews my hope. I love my support group!

As previously noted, my most recent ultrasound was more than a little disappointing. My ovaries/follicles are just being stubborn and not developing fast enough. Based on previous education about the growth rate, I figured out that if my follicles were to continue to develop at a normal pace, then I should theoretically ovulate sometime between days 19 and 22 of my cycle. This makes sense, as I seem to have long cycles. Last year, my OBGYN suggested I stop wasting my money on ovulation predictors (OPKs) because it is difficult to get a positive reading since I have only a small window when it would show up positive. When I started seeing my RE, he never said I should start using OPKs again, so I didn't...until now. I took a chance and used an OPK on day 20, just to see what it would read. The result was positive, which was great, though it is at least the 2nd time in the past year that I've had a positive OPK. Nevertheless, it renewed my hope that maybe we can get pregnant this cycle. My husband and I "danced" several times between days 19 and 22 and we'll find out in a couple of weeks if it worked. At this point, I'm certainly hoping for a postive pregnancy test, but I'm not getting my hopes up since we've had so many negatives. I am sending positive thoughts to my girl parts on a daily basis, so we'll see how it goes.

It looks like we have enough money for one more cycle of treatment, then we may have to take a break for a few months to rebuild our funds. I think that even if we take a break from the RE for a while, we'll start back up with alternative treatments, so we don't feel like those months are a complete waste. I hate the idea of taking a break at all, but this whole thing is so stressful anyway, so perhaps if we continue to have failed results, a break will be exactly what we need for a while...just to heal.

In any case, my husband and I have agreed that we need to get back on the bandwagon and work on eating healthier and exercising regularly again. I'm also trying to work on reducing my stress levels because they are starting to interfere with my memory and my productivity at work (again). I think we'll be back on track soon.